Sunday, January 25, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
a place to start
Between shots of Patron last night, I was given some food for thought. And I quote “It’s not a matter of trying to find out what you want, but knowing what you don’t want” stolen from a thug! ONE
Ow no
Boy George has been jailed for 15 months for handcuffing a male escort to a wall and beating him with a metal chain.
Need I say more? I think not.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Ask me a question!!? I'll give you a fken answer. Bash that Bible. Mark: 2:12
I was gayfully approached by two Jehovah's Witnesses today during my stroll home from the office. They caught me in mid gate as I grasped the closest one by the face and ever so gently caressed it against the window of JC Pennies, without braking my stride. I do appreciate their unsolicited advice on the direction of my life, but please allow me too retort with some unsolicited advice of my own. This is directed at those Mother of God bible bashers and those little inquisitive people with their note pads full of questions. Problem: no one wants to talk to you; solution, put them in a place where they are forced to listen to your sales pitch. I am always approached in mid stride. Therefore, giving me an easy out because they can’t stop me, I am massive. But if they ganged up at intersections with their little brochures and questions, people would have nowhere to go when the light turns red. They have to stay there and take an ear bashing. Location SON! Location location location
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
To the tranny that blew that guy on the 49 bus last night..... - m4w
I recently came across this at http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all. I was going to apply some behavioral economic theory to it but it's to fk up, enjoy! If you are a little sensitive I would veer away from this post.
"Date: 2008-10-12, 7:48AM
....in case you were wondering, yes, we all saw. And were horrified!
You might remember the incident, huh? About 9:45pm last night, heading north. Why would I know the time, well I had to look at my cell phone to keep my eyes from looking over as you pulled his cock through his jeans and into your mouth.
How could we all not notice you? You were so ugly and those boobs were so little it was just obvious. Then the guy you were with looked like Billy Bob Thorton in "Slingblade". Except even weirder looking. Quite a pair.
So thanks for hopping on that very crowded bus, sitting 2 feet from me and making out with the goofy looking guy. That was odd, but no big deal. But when I looked over and your head was in his lap I was like -- "Are you fucking kidding me, you are now going to blow him?".
I thought it was hilarious that all those Mexican guys sitting right next to you said and did nada. I almost moved away but could not stop looking over. I kept thinking that this is going to make a good Craigslist "missed connection" and maybe a "best of".
The weird part is that the guy was staring at me with this serial killer look the whole time you were servicing him which was a little creepy. Like the whole fucking thing wasn't totally creepy.
So much like a human in "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" I kept scanning around looking to see if anyone else was registering this. I kept locking eyes with the young punk rock girl across from me. Her boyfriend was being oblivious but she kept looking at me, rolling her eyes and giggling. As they reached that climactic moment she was uncontrollably laughing out loud and it really helped me keep my sanity. To pass the time I texted my sister in real time the blow by blows (no pun intended) and listened to my iPod.
Well, thankfully you two freaks got off somewhere near the Tenderloin after he came in your mouth.
When it was over I had to say something and just made eye contact with everyone and said "Did we all see what I think we just saw?" and everyone laughed out loud.
Learned something new last night. The 49 is a bit more rocking than the 47."
A crap deal for a chicken!?
A chicken by the name of Tyrone, very much a ladies man, and a pig, Bartholomew, a self proclaimed academic, head off to breakfast. They both fancy themselves as entrepreneurs but as of yet have not had any luck with their business endeavors. They take their seats in the diner and go to place their order. Tyrone orders ham and Bartholomew orders eggs.
Tyrone: Let's start a restaurant!
Bartholomew: What would we call it?
Tyrone: Ham n' Eggs!
Bartholomew: No thanks.
In business terms, why would this be a shoddy deal for the pig?
